Every summer people ask me the same thing, “what do you do without her?” The answer…..replenish myself!
Being a mom whether you are married or not is a tough job. My mother was a single mom and I remember how tired she always was. When I morphed into a single mom I knew I could make it, I wasn’t sure how but I knew I could. Shortly after choosing single mom-dom Nana offered to take Harmony for a while so I could get my mind right but that meant sending her across the country to WI.
I caught so much crap! There was this expectation that I should just suck it up and suffer through it because they did or that’s what they would have done. Most of these opinions were motivated by the fear of being a bad mom. But honestly all I can do is my best and that whole group think mentality has never been for me so I took the help that was offered and ironically I got a lot of support from clients that were moms and I soaked up their positivity. They would tell me how lucky I was and that their husband’s mother would never do that for them, and they were married!
I’m not going to lie I was terrified the first time she went and then all the stuff people were saying to me about her forgetting me didn’t make it any easier. I sat and thought about stories like mine and the girls squander the opportunity. “Nope! Not me.” I thought to myself if I was going to spend any length of time away from her I was going to be able to offer her a valid explanation as to why. I was going to be able to show her something in return for her sacrifice because when you’re twenty months, three, four and now five years old being away from your mom is a real sacrifice.
Now four years after her first trip to Nana without mommy my girl has returned home to me once again and this is a solid tradition. This vacation is perfect for us, it really does something for our relationship to have a little time away from each other. We talk on the phone (briefly) throughout the summer about what we are doing and we get to be friends then when she comes home we just soak each other up.
While she is away I relax, travel, get education for work and eat like garbage. I find new hobbies and catch up with girlfriends. I plot total beauty domination and I even make myself accept at least one dinner date offer. I set goals for the following year I clean out her closet and get rid of old toys. I take a bath alone, I sleep alone, I pee alone! I sit at home listen to the quiet and feel the stillness. During my summers over the years I’ve taught myself how to sew, and sold aprons to pay for a Christmas vacation to WI. I went to my first ABCH Energizing Summit last summer and fell back in love with my career. I got certified with DevaCurl this summer, fell in love with hair all over again. I built a couple of websites, built my network, opened an online store and got emotionally stable.
Moms, if you have family members who want to give you a break let them! You and your child will be fine without each other for a while, its true absence does make the heart grow fonder, the first time will be hard but you are not abandoning them and you shouldn’t feel guilty for admitting you’re human and you need a damn break! It doesn’t make you less of a mother it makes you a super mom because it’s tough to let someone else have control over your little human but you are not the only person capable of taking care of your child. You might not get a whole summer but even just a day, or even a few hours to not be at work and not be cleaning up but to sit, be still and be quiet. If someone offers you that take it. Time to yourself is a priceless treasure that you and your kids can grow to really appreciate.
Harmony gets to do so many things that if she was here with me all summer she just wouldn’t get to experience. Nana had a dog sitting job this summer and she got to interact with so many different breeds of dog, they went to Ohio for a family reunion, she had sleepovers with her cousins and she even went to Great America! She has a blast and even with all the rules she is happy to return home to me fully recharged and ready to get my mommy on!